deep breath

At last I could breathe.

I was at the edge of the world, the very end. I was so close I could almost feel the absence of everything. Even as I had come, walking along, I knew. Me. So close to the edge, I wasn't afraid, I was so sure that I wasn't scared. I could feel the end at the tips of my feet. I could hear the hollow sound of the abyss below. I was ready. I wasn't scared, I said. I didn't feel nervous, I didn't feel like I was being cheated. I was completely ready. I was breathing softly. I looked down and I knew, I just knew. I wasn't afraid, I was ready, I could do it, I didn't care.
But when I slipped and my left foot lunged forward by way of gravity, my hands clenched the ground near me and my right foot dug into the soft earth. Oh god.
I was shaking.
I was lying to myself wasn't I.
I clung to my life so dearly, yet I thought I could go through. I wasn't desperate enough I guess.
When I pushed myself back and tucked my feet in and wrapped my arms around my knees,
At last I could breathe.